The McRib : A Love Story

In all my years of fast food eating, I have rarely if ever seen the phenomena and fascination that surrounds the McRib. Just what is it about this simple little sandwich that can bring tears of joy to some people, yet to others….. just plain tears? For some this sandwich is AMBROSIA. For others, it’s more DECOMPOSURE. Wherever you stand on this topic of this sandwich, I guarantee your position is an impassioned one.

As most of you know, I enjoy fast food sometimes. Heck, as most of you know I enjoy ANY kind of food most times, so of course I had to try this sandwich to see what all of the hoopla was about. The following is my story, my firsthand account, of my experiences with the sandwich that seduces you for a short time each year to visit the home of Ronald McDonald, Mayor McCheese and Birdie, the Early Bird….. the McRib. 

“Of all the Mickey D’s, in all the towns, in all the world…..you walked into mine.”

(Well actually it was in ALL the Mickey D’s across the United States….but just go with me on this.)  Those were my thoughts as I walked up to the counter, placing my very first order for the legendary McRib sandwich with the girl behind the counter as she was adjusting her the hairnet. I took my tray of food and scoped out the tables, hoping to find just the RIGHT one for me to experience…..my first. I found a lovely booth by the window with a view of the people passing by outside. (Oh how voyeuristic of me!) As I sat down, I took off my coat to make myself comfortable. I didn’t want ANYTHING to spoil this moment. I carefully opened the McRib box. It’s scent to me was nothing short of  intoxicating and although I know I should have taken that first special bite slowly to savor the moment…I didn’t. I couldn’t. The anticipation to at last taste and experience this sandwich was just TOO much for me, so I just dived in and went for it.  Ohhhhhhh yes! The sandwich was everything I had heard and imagined it would be like. The flavor of the sweet yet sassy BBQ sauce mixing with the onions and pickles and the smoke flavored pork patty was delectable. It was a marriage of flavors that fairy tales could have been written about. In that moment of magical consumption, I suddenly knew the wonder of this sandwich that I always heard so much about. I was under it’s spell. I believe I even wiped a tear from my eye as I chewed….smearing barbeque sauce across my face as I did, but it was worth it. My experience with this singular McRib sandwich was so rich, so tantalizing, so amazing that my hunger …no, I should say my new found PASSION…… for this saucy little pieced together patty of pork could not be satisfied with just one. So I did what any other red blooded American woman would do who had just experienced a pleasure that had, until this point, went unknown to her. I had to go back for more……..two days later. (Hey, I gotta watch my figure ya know!)

Two days later, I returned to Mickey D’s, the place where I had found what now made all my past fast food experiences pale in comparison. I sat down in the same booth with my luscious little tidbit before me again. I looked at it wantingly, admiring it’s beauty and tantalizing appearance for just a moment before deciding when the time was right to begin devouring it. Once I could not take it anymore, I went for it! I took a great big bite yet AGAIN just waiting for that thrill that I had felt before to hit my tongue and tastebuds. I chewed and waited…..and waited…and waited some more. “Where did it go?”, I asked myself sadly. “Surely my tastebuds just needed to warm up before being exposed to such delight again. The shock must have just been too much for them, right? “ This is what I told myself as I took another bite. But with that one, too, suddenly…..my thrill was gone. “What happened???? Why were my tastebuds not jumping for joy and absolute pleasure like it had before????”  Without haste I opened the sandwich and made a discovery. There wasn’t as many onions on it as there was before. There also wasn’t as much sauce on this sandwich as there had been on my first one, either, and without the sauce, the true flavor and texture of that pork patty came through. “How could this be???? With this McRib book of love, could the cover made of BBQ sauce truly be better and more attractive than the pork pages found inside???? It COULDN’T be!!! “

Through a shaken heart and brain, I somehow managed to continue to eat, hoping I would find some kind of answer. As I ate, I noticed that the meat itself did not have much flavor on it’s own. I also noticed it’s texture was actually quite rubbery. Was this my beloved McRib’s true nature that I was slowly discovering and had been kept OH SO WELL HIDDEN to me before under all of that sumptuous BBQ sauce? Was that sauce merely a distraction??? Oh say it wasn’t so! Take my Big Mac, take my McNuggets but DON’T TAKE MY McRIB!!!  But alas, from start to finish, this sandwich was nothing like my first. It was bland and blah. Our love was gone. It was over. We were through! What once was so enjoyable and brought me much so much happiness and satisfaction, in one brief moment, came to end because one McDonald’s employee didn’t give that pork patty an extra dip in the BBQ sauce and went light on the onions (I wonder how they can live with themselves and how they sleep at night). I left the restaurant dejected and alone. I never went back…..until the McNuggets went on sale a few weeks later. You can ALWAYS depend on the McNuggets!

So there is my story of discovery, sweet and spicy love, and then the heartbreak of it all! Yes, life is like a McRib sandwich, isn’t it? The McRib……the stuff of legends.

(NOTE: Even though my last experience with the McRib was so disappointing and I had no intentions of every having another again, after writing this blog, I am considering changing my mind trying it again this week. What the HECK is with those sandwiches???? Do they hypnotize people or something????)

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Cranberries.....schramberries!

Throughout the course of a year, there are certain things we can expect and depend on, such as the sun rising and setting each day, having to beg for extra ketchup and napkins when you go to McDonald’s because they somehow believe that only one of each will suffice, and seasonal holidays. To some, these yearly traditions bring great joy and fond memories. But to others, they bring nothing but dread and sadness. I think it’s safe to say that each of us have probably experienced at least some of each kind, but hopefully more good ones than bad.

Growing up, Thanksgiving was always one of my favorite holidays. Mine were never spent with tons of family and instead just my immediate family of my parents, aunt and uncle, but I remember them fondly. All of that changed, however, once my aunt and uncle passed away. To us, Thanksgiving basically died along with them. But the traditions were revived in a new way a few years later when I invited my then soon to be boyfriend (now my ex) to spend Thanksgiving with us. But this new found renewal for this holiday was short lived when the Thanksgivings with him that followed (which we also considered to be our anniversary) were wrecked by us fighting over how he couldn’t sacrifice drinking to the point of getting drunk for one day…our anniversary…just to make me happy.

Since then, I have come to accept the fact that my days of an “ideal” Thanksgiving are now over. Instead, I have learned to enjoy and embrace what have become my “new” traditions for Thanksgiving. Now the day is usually spent doing nothing but relaxing and not doing much of anything. At the age of 40, I still watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and intend to do so until it either ends…or I do. Whatever comes first! For me, the magic of the parade is my small way of re-connecting to those Thanksgivings of the past that I fondly remember. We visit with my parents for awhile and then come evening, my boyfriend makes the 10 lb turkey I get for $5 at our local DEALS store, along with a box of Stove Top Turkey Stuffing, some Heinz Turkey gravy, a can of Libby’s creamed corn, some instant mashed potatoes and of course….a can of Ocean Spray Jelled cranberry sauce, left in the shape of the can. Yup…THAT is Thanksgiving for me!

Is it fancy? Heck no! Some people might be disgusted at even the thought of eating that on a regular week night for dinner, let alone for Thanksgiving. But you know what? I no longer stress myself making and preparing a huge meal and better yet, we actually ENJOY the day and a nice quiet Thanksgiving holiday, without all of the bells and whistles. Granted, it’s not the Thanksgiving for everyone…but it works for us and that is all that matters to me.

My point in sharing my experiences with everyone is simply this.

1)      Life changes and so do the traditions that we hold dearly. There is nothing we can do about this but hold those sweet memories of the past dear to our hearts, while we look forward and create and embrace new traditions to carry with us into the future.

2)       Traditions do not need to be traditional. What makes you happy might not make everyone happy….but who cares!  If you spend your life trying to make everyone happy, you will discover it’s impossible to do and one day look back and realize just how much time you wasted trying to. And if you wind up spending your day in the most untraditional way of perhaps not doing anything special at all….just remember…

3)      It’s only one day in the year. If you think your otherwise “perfect meal” is totally ruined because you spilled the green bean salad on the floor, you’re wrong. Instead, you have just made a humorous family memory that will last longer then the memory of how juicy your turkey breast ever would have.

4)     If you are spending it alone or without everyone you would like to spend it with, just remember that what happens the other 364 days of the year is by far more important than what happens this one single day. It’s just a DAY and you will get the chance at a new one tomorrow.

Remember, Thanksgiving, or any holiday, is like life….it can be whatever you choose to make of it. So choose to make it the best one for YOU, and you’ll never regret it!